Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Comebacks are a rare and fleeting thing, as most of us will only think of the perfect retort to someone hours after they've actually insulted us.
Social media, however, has given us the unprecedented opportunity to send our comebacks to the right place at the right time and wipe those stupid smirks off of our enemies' faces! If you've ever seen a perfect comeback captured on social media, please add it to our list — and vote for your favorites as well! This post may include affiliate links. Aaaaah Miss Johanson!!! You're my favorite teacher too even if I don't know you!
Well done! She got what she deserved. I hate girls that check their bf's phones. Yes, we ALL have secrets!! Danny Bostock Report. Old Spice Report. It is a noun as well as an adjective. Have you heard the new single by Frankie Muniz Report. Do not mind the angry jalous ones. You're a very good actor.
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Almost finishedWit is a quality that is easily desired, but no so easily obtained. Those who do have it have gained heavy acclaim. Since the beginning of time, mankind has argued and debated against one another, and while some conflicts are won in wars, many of them are won in words. From quotes of Winston Churchill to Oscar Wilde, these are surely people to tell tales about. Nancy Astor was an American socialite who married into the wealthy English family of Astor.
She actually was the first woman to be elected to Parliament, which makes her humiliation all the sweeter. She was invited to a dinner party located in the Churchill estatebut, unfortunately for her, she became extremely annoyed at a drunk and politically incorrect Winston Churchill.
The next situation involves the 30th US president, Calvin Coolidge. He was a relatively quiet man and was known for his brevity, though the few words he had made quite an impression, especially with this wonderful comeback. After an after-dinner recital, an acclaimed and heavily respected opera singer was invited to the White House. But apparently performing for the president was quite a frightening experience and her performance left much to be desired. Mohandas Gandhi is associated with civil rights and nonviolence, but most definitely not wit.
The British were wonderfully curious about this strange little man, and Gandhi was constantly bombarded with questions from the press and photographers. Muhammad Ali once took a flight on Eastern Airlines in the s.
99+ Really Funny Comebacks, Insults, & Burns List
A flight attendant was making her final checks on the passengers, but noticed Ali failed to fasten his seat belt. Oscar Wilde was widely known for his wit and intelligence in plays, but he was no stranger to it in real-life. After one performance of one of his plays, Wilde went on stage and welcomed a warm reception.
Many people applauded and threw a copious amount of beautiful flora, but one unsatisfied person threw a rotten cabbage at the playwright. Wilde picked it up and replied with a straight face:. Henry Ward Beecher was an abolitionist who liked to speak his mind. When the Civil War took its start, Beecher traveled throughout the US attempting to gather up support and favor for Lincoln and his Emancipation Proclamation. He said that the Union would beat the Confederates in sixty days during his travels; and when he made a trip to England, this was used against him.
At that time, war was still a very sensitive topic among the British, due to the Americans winning the Revolutionary War. Winston Churchill makes this list again. In his early career, he was at a meeting and another member was giving a long-winded speech. Churchill began to close his eyes and fall asleep. Abraham Lincoln was not the most attractive presidents but he was in a sense, almost fascinatingly ugly.
During a debate, Lincoln was accused by his more hostile opponent of being two-faced. Lincoln managed to accomplish what few men have done before, he defended himself without insulting the other man, and even poked fun at a flaw of his all in the same sentence. Lincoln calmly turned to the crowd and said:. Attending a party in London, Churchill once again was drunk and intoxicated.
This final comeback needs no explanation nor introduction. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. Written by Johnny Dunn.Laugh like a maniac and shut jerks up with these really funny comebacks and insults. At the page end, you can vote for your favorite comeback. Please do so and share it with all your friends today. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. These clean comebacks will definitely shut up any bully or jerk.
So use them with vengeance against any mean person. Guys on Reddit have recounted stories with some of the rudest and meanest comebacks. Please share this page if you like them. My cousin was in town for Thanksgiving. My grandpa was working a sub shop at the register. If you like these burnsplease share this page with all you friends now. They would be amused. Then feel free to watch the funny video below or check out 35 funny Spongebob roasts, quotes, and jokes.
Check out really funny laffy taffy jokes we found for you. Check out really funny trucker jokes that will make you laugh. Just check out the pic below. Check out this awesome collection of funny acronyms from all over the Web. Even a happy meal can cause a funny insult. So you better have self-control and sense of humor, not a happy meal.
101 Awesomely Good Comebacks for Every Occasion
Just look at the guys in the pic below. Check out our selection of funny blogs about life. Laugh at really funny waiter jokes we found for you. Had a laugh with our funny insults? Ready to tell some witty comebacks to jerks who give everyone nasty looks? Then please share this page now. Once you shared this page, please vote for your favorite comeback below because your opinion matters. Now that we have your attention, get our awesomely funny app from Apple App Store for free.
Get it because it's faster than the guy who's running to pee. Get it because it has lots of funny jokes that will make you laugh. If these reasons aren't good enough for you, get it because we're insecure and need your approval. Skip to content Hilarious Jokes and Funny Pics. Would you rather have a sandwich or pizza comeback?
Ever had such conversation with your fat buddy? If not, you can always try.Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself.
Bad idea in your case. Please, save your breath. Can you die of constipation? Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than whatever you just said. Whenever we hang out, I remember that God really does have a sense of humor.
U felt that sizzle of heat on your cheeks and concluded that those […]. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.
You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Daniella Urdinlaiz 1. Why not take today off? Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither. Remember that time I said I thought you were cool? I lied. Good story, but in what chapter do you shut the fuck up? Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen. Please, keep talking. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
I was pro life. You always bring me so much joy—as soon as you leave the room. More From Thought Catalog. Those are freaking awesome I wish I could carry them around with me. It takes a total badass to carry out these remarks flawlessly! Get our newsletter every Friday!I am going to let karma fuck you up.
Because your days are numbered! Because you are not making any cents! Thank you for the Bullshit sandwich, but I'm full. Right Now. I'm sorry, I was ignoring you. Your face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers!
It's the sound of no one caring. Because that was way too much information! When the lifeguard wasn't watching? Stop Playing With Me "You are living proof that evolution is reversable. It's not working out. Ding, hey did anyone hear that? I think that was the elevator because you're not on my level! A: The back of my hand. Friend: What are you, 5? Guy: 5 inches deep in your mom! Guy: That's what she said! Girl: I doubt she ever said that about you! Guy: "Wanna hear a joke? Never mind, its too long.
Never mind, you won't get it. They kicked my ass out. I was caught selling ice. Does the new one work now? Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. Boy: Fuck you, you little bitch! Girl: Shut up. You're just mad that your dad's pussy is pinker than yours. Woman: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee.In life you will notice that a lot of people will talk a lot of crap to you.
This calls for you to have a comeback for each and every occasion there is out there. You will never be caught off guard again with these awesome comebacks here for you.
They can be applied to almost any situation, anytime, anywhere. All you have to do is be ready with these in your pocket. Take a peek below to see for yourself how awesome and good these comebacks are.
Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. Remember when I asked for your opinion?The Funniest Comebacks In Talk Show History
Me neither. You know how you can do yourself a huge favor? Ignore anyone when they say to just be yourself. Remember the one time I told you that you were cool? That was totally a lie. Everyone gets to act silly and stupid once in awhile, but you are truly abusing that. Do you ever find yourself curious as to what your life would be like if you would have gotten enough oxygen at birth?
You might want to stop talking so that you can save your breath. You are going to need it to blow up your next date. I wonder if you can die from constipation.
Funny Insults and Comebacks
You just seem like you are too full of crap. That is a cool story bro, but when is the part where you shut the heck up? Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. Were you perhaps born on a highway? Your face is just fine.More Insults and Comebacks.
We add insults and comebacks to our database on a regular basis, unlike many other websites who compile copy-and-pasted lists and leave them to wither. We have all kinds of insults and comebacks. You can easily find ones that you desire by latest added, rating, random, category, and topic.
We aren't the only ones who add to the site - you can too! Submit your insult and - if it's good enough to be included on the website - we'll approve it so that you can see what others think of it. We can be found on social media and we post regularly. Funny Insults and Comebacks. Yo Momma Insults. Have you ever woken up from a sex dream and still felt horny? Cool, that's pretty much how your girlfriend feels after real sex. Bitch please, don't be proud if every guy wants you.
Cheap items have many buyers. I think "dildo" is a perfectly acceptable insult. I'd call you a dick, but you're not real enough. What makes Funny Insults so awesome? Insults added regularly We add insults and comebacks to our database on a regular basis, unlike many other websites who compile copy-and-pasted lists and leave them to wither. Easy to find insults We have all kinds of insults and comebacks.
Got a good'un? Submit it! We're social We can be found on social media and we post regularly.